After a quick trip home to get dressed after getting the venue ready, we were back at the venue that evening for the rehearsal. It quickly took me back 25 years to BBQ on the patio around the pool at Granny and Granddads after our rehearsal at South Cullman. But this time, it was Sam and Noel, and some Mexican from Bubba Rito's. The rehearsal was strange, but the amazing lady that helped coordinate the wedding was awesome (I should know her name, but I forgot). She was borderline nazi, but got a perfect flow to the front in time with the music.
And I sat watching us just rehearse what would happen the following day, and I already was holding back tears. It is strange the emotions that seem to sweep over you in that turn from your 30s to your 40s. I mean, all know that Magan is going to cry at everything, but I can typically hold it in. Mine just comes out all alone in the dark in my closet in the fetal position. But on this evening, I feel like I did well, I tried to prep myself well.
Before the meal, I was able to not look at Sam and Davis, and talk about telling Noel I loved her for the first time after Sam's accident in Atlanta...and it was at an Arbys. I could have spoken about thinking she was a mexican in our first visit, but Davis had that in his speech for after the wedding. I have these moments in my head, but usually don't have the words that go with them, so I guess my Dad speech was now complete. After Bubba Rito's, Magan had prepared a sweet slideshow of Sam and Noel, and it had music...which meant we needed power (check), we needed a computer (check, thank you Marcia), we needed a speaker (check, thank you Marcia)...but then the speaker would not work tied to the computer. Finally after the third try, we were able to hook up Magan's phone to the speaker, and Davis and Magan had to coordinate hitting play at the same time...and the slideshow began. It was great, and while Magan had already watched it like 100 times to prep for the tears, I had not...so I had to turn away several times.
I found that throughout this whole weekend, the emotional part hit most when I watched Sam and Davis interact. I have two brothers, and do love them both...but perhaps because of the 5 year and 13 year gap, there has never been that super close friendship that is pictured in the movies. But with Sam and Davis, I have watched it grow over the years. They are completely different, yet the best of friends. I never once thought that Sam would select me as a best man, because it was clear to see who has been his little buddy for 19 years. Only 19 months separate my time with Sam with my time with Sam and Davis. So I could see my boys, and I could see so many moments with just me and my boys...tears falling right now as I type...give me a minute...and while I know they will continue, they will be fewer and farther in between.
But I made it to the end of rehearsal. I am really just glad to have made it to a new paragraph. That is till I have to write about the last part of the night when Sam and Noel handed me and Wes letters that they both had written to us. I quickly said "Nope, can't do this right now", but they persisted and wanted us to read them in front of them. Perhaps this is some sadistic game to see how we can completely destroy the father's ability to maintain control. But I got this, I have been prepping all day...no problem. I will start with Sam's card. I opened it and read the first word "Dad,"....Nope, stood up, can't breath, can't breath....walking, maybe running, I don't know...I exited to the outside near our van. Porch will not work. Walked to the van, then a little into the woods in front of the van before my body finally forced air into my lungs. With the sounds of the Peacocks screaming in the trees, I can only hope that drowned out the sobs that came. Choking back the tears, but mainly just focusing on breathing, I think I finally got it under control. I am pretty sure that one day when I have my first heart attack, it will probably feel a bit like this in the beginning...so at least I have prepped a bit now.
I finally was able to reenter the venue. I got a couple of strange looks, so maybe eyes were a little bloodshot. But now it was time to clean up, and I could get my mind recentered on mindless non-emotional activities. At least I had gotten the crying out of the way, so tomorrow at the wedding I can just enjoy the day.
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